But this is my letter to God from
10 year old me : Dear God I don’t understand. I don’t understand why you would allow all of this bad stuff to happen to me. I don’t understand why you gave me her as my mother. She doesn’t love me . She didn’t even want me . She told me that last night . She even tried to justify it and say she didn’t plan for my sister or brother either not just me. Why would you give her something she didn’t even want . Why would you give someone that didn’t want kids 3 of them. Why would you allow me to be a mistake. I don’t understand God I don’t understand. God I’m mad at you . Take my life dear God . I don’t want another day . I just want this to be over . Dear God today my dad went to the hospital you knew that though , you also know I’m not old enough to see him, God if you take him from me I’ll kill myself, don’t leave me with her . Please bring him home. He Came home that day , but you sent him back two days later . Why? Why are you doing this he just got saved ..why you torturing him. Why is this bad stuff happening he doesn’t deserve it .why do I feel so alone ? I tried talking to her . She didn’t listen . She yelled at me. Why does she hate me . God just end my life already it means nothing .please God. Please
So my dad told the church today . They were mad. They made me feel bad. They called me selfish . They told me everyone goes through stuff. That I should be considered blessed. I’m very fortunate you know. People are homeless I have a roof . I have two parents. You know God it’s crazy how could I ever see myself not blessed. You gave me a sister that’s never around ,she didn’t want to say with my parents. A brother that’s anti social and doesn’t want to be bother. A mother angry at the world. And a .father that is so hurt and lost he is trying to learn everything about you to make up for his wrong. But I’m lucky . You know I’m just 10 I haven’t experienced life yet . God why ? Why give me a life I don’t see worth living for . Why give me emotions I don’t need . I haven’t felt love in a long time. It’s dark here . In my mind trapped faking a smile so I don’t get asked are you okay today , if I get asked are you okay today.
This is a snipit of my letter to God because it’s so much more I’ve had to face and so many more obstacles I went through. That was when I was 10 I was angry for 6 years half the time I didn’t know I was angry . I didn’t realize I was bitter . I thought I left that little angry girl when I moved from the house . But I didn’t she got bigger and bigger she just knew how to hide . When I came to this church I didn’t expect the love I got . I didn’t expect the change that had come over me . The Anger left it took a while , it didn’t happen instantly. I still have a stuff to work on . I have the mind set of being a burden because of that church but I also have learned to forgive and refresh and renew myself because I released something from my childhood that was holding up a lot of blessing .